Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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