I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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