I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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