just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
