i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
