there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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