he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
