standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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