And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
