I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
