Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
