and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
