I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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