Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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