I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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