if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
