Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
