i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
