I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
