I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
