Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
