He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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