This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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