took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
