We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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