i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
