I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Randomize
