my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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