It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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