Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Come on in and take your pants off
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