Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
