chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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