Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
