I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
