it wasn't lemon gatorade
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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