I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
