if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
