You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Shame is for Republicans.
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