I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
