I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I need moral support for this bender
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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