just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
