theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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