A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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