my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
