I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They took my balls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
