PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
