I hate all girls vehemently.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
