Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
