First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
