i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
