somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
