I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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