We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
