I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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