those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
