Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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