Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize