I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
handjob tips. give me some.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
