thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Congratulations! We have a period
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
