You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
