I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
