end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize