in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
