Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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